Did you ever feel the urge to have someone elses something? did you ever have the fear of losing something just because the person next to you seemed to be having it all better, stronger, prettier?
Did you ever find yourself saying something bad about someone who wasn’t even mean to you? Or just stayed there-trapped in your own thoughts telling yourself “why do they have it and I don’t”? “what do they have that I don’t” “Life is so unfair…” I know…
If you did experience any of the above you might have entered the world of Jealousness and Enviess … Yup, too non-identical twins that fancy attending social events together. One despise each other-one can’t live without another.
According to beloved google the definitions of Jealousy vs envy is this:
“And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation.Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone). … This means that when you are feelingjealous, you are often feeling envious as well”
“The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is the emotion of coveting what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else”
So why do we Jealous? Do women have that more than men? Is it a good thing? and if not – can we turn those negative sensations into a positive ones?
Jealousness – Envienss are a very common and some would say natural syndrome in modern society due to competitive culture. In a world where all is so fast and shiny how could we not strive for better, stronger, newer, prettier? It is almost unnatural NOT to be rather jealous or envies at someone else. The world’s population growth is enormous, The industry in constantly developing, The age of internet has revealed a wide international globe which comes with an appetite… and a price of “You get more-you live more” sense of existence.
So we strive… and strive… and strive. But what happens when striving is a bit too much for us? What happens when we’re injured, depressed, not motivated or simply as we sometimes like to call it “unlucky”?
Then is where we use those emotions as “comfort-food” in our comfort-zone for our aching souls, thinking wrongly to ourselves it makes us feel better…
And it does! for starters anyway… but for the long run, as any negative emotion instead of comfort-food it becomes consuming-nutrition that eats us from the inside-Slowly, but firmly- until it makes us weaker, hungrier and then
starved for more of this vicious circle creation of ours.
So what can we do about these emotions? We can’t possibly ignore them, or act as if they don’t apply on us… There will always be someone who’s richer, stronger, fitter, nicer, smarter … and we on our side will always be competitive driven.
So in a world of such how do we turn disadvantage into advantage?
First of all, we DO NOT force ourselves to deal. Each and every one of us has our own pace of life and therefore the understanding it might happen in the age of 15, 50, 70 or never. The important thing is that the desire for some change will come from us within.
Once we’re there, it’s time for few steps I like to call the “ACDC” as follows:
We first Acknowledge the existence of this feeling in ourselves, Then we confront – what in this person or situation has made us feel jealous or envy and once this feeling is on surface Deal with it-break it into pieces, ask ourselves all the questions that arose,embrace emotions that might come up (cry, shout, laugh etc.) and release them into open space declaring to ourselves “I am not being controlled by this emotion any longer” and only then, last but not least Create our new alternate emotion – Jealousy and Envy’s step sister – meet Admiration.
Admiration – “respect and warm approval” “something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect” “pleasurable contemplation”
It might not always work – replace jealousy/Envy with admiration, and it might takes us months or years to get there, but nevertheless a very good start would be to primary let go of this energy-consuming emotions of “why don’t I have, why does she has, why do they succeed and I didn’t …and other emotions defined in our society as negative, Cause in the end of all things – WE are the ones living with ourselves, WE wake up with ourselves and go to sleep with ourselves. why not do it with admiration in our hearts ? for our surroundings but more importantly for our own selves.
And THAT’s were the journey of wellbeing begins…